Why Not Listen? by Suzanne Scheideker Cook
“The most golden rule is do not ever ignore advice, whether it is good or bad. Listening never harms anyone. It is how you take it, apply it, and use it that matters in the end.” - Anonymous
My uncle and aunt were incredibly successful in business. I asked my uncle and aunt what they attributed their success to and they said, “We put our egos aside and listen to others.” At the time, I did not understand what this meant. However, as I began work and started climbing the career ladder, these words became a powerful mantra for me.
Just yesterday, I thought of these words when my business partner, Diana, asked if I had time to review a resume for a friend’s daughter. Even though I had tough deadlines to meet, I took the time to review the resume. It needed work – lots of work. I shared my comments with Diana and asked her if I could have the young woman’s resume in Word to make more detailed comments and suggestions. Diana said that my concerns were the same as her suggestions. But, the young woman was hesitant to listen and heed Diana’s advice on fixing her resume. If we are honest with ourselves, we have all been in this place. We ask for advice, but it is not what we want to hear so we reject it. When I find myself doing this, I ask myself these questions:
Why am I so defensive about the suggestions and comments? Was it done in a hurtful way or did I let honest and constructive feedback hurt my feelings?
Why did I ask for an opinion if I was not going to consider it?
Does this person who provided the suggestions to me have more personal and professional experience? Why am I not listening to someone who has already been there and done that?
What would happen if I did heed the feedback provided to me? Would it help me? If so, how can I use it?
Am I too busy thinking about a rebuttal instead of truly listening and reflecting on the person’s suggestions?
Now, let’s use these questions to frame yesterday’s incident. Instead of realizing that Diana’s comments were meant to improve her resume, the young woman took it personally. Diana has indeed “been there and done that” because she has seen thousands of resumes. Before becoming my partner, Diana was responsible for ensuring that critical documents from the highest levels of the City of Los Angeles were sent out picture perfect. The young woman did the exact opposite of my aunt and uncle’s advice on success. She let her ego get in the way and did not listen to others.
This reminds me of when my mentors would give me mock orals before promotional interviews. They all told me that I should have a “closing statement.” I absolutely refused to do it. It was not until I was on interview boards that I realized my mentors were right about closing statements sealing the deal. Shocker! I let my stubbornness get in the way. Your personal challenge is the next time you seek advice, put your ego aside and listen.
