Getting Back Up Again by Suzanne Scheideker Cook
“Do not judge me by my success, judge me by how many times I fell down and got back up again.” - Nelson Mandela
It’s no secret that I am a big fan of Food Network. I love the recipes, the different personalities, and the places I get to experience vicariously. I have become an even bigger fan since being either in a hospital or at a skilled nursing facility for seven months. The shows remind me of the importance of living in the moment. Most surprisingly, there are inspirational stories from featured chefs who have shared how cooking changed their lives’ trajectory from being homeless or in trouble, to becoming successful.
One of these stories was shared by Fernando Ruiz during an episode of Beat Bobby Flay. Fernando Ruiz was one of the chefs that was selected to be a contestant on this show. Fernando shared that growing up, he had gotten involved in gangs, had been stabbed, and had served time in prison. Learning how to cook had turned his life around. After beating Bobby Flay, which is tough to do, Fernando said that winning proved, “You can pull yourself out of a dark hole and succeed.”
We are conditioned that success is instant. We rarely see the times individuals who are successful have fallen down, the mistakes (big and small) they have made along the way, and their missed opportunities. These moments really knock the air out of us.
Reflecting on this, I realize that I probably have averaged 30 “no’s” (or more) to every “yes” to get to where I am now. It hurts to get a door slammed in our face, and it’s even harder when we are facing other challenges in our lives. At these times, we think we cannot handle any more adversity. When I’ve come to my breaking point, there are several actions that I take to help pull myself from the brink. Hopefully, one or more of these will help you get back up when life has knocked you down.
Allow yourself to have a pity party. Time your pity party though. It sounds a little odd and brutal. For example, bigger setbacks such as losing out on a promotion that you worked long and hard to get deserves a bigger pity party. I give myself a couple of days to stomp around and share with my loved ones “how unfair it is.” Also, consider this, my mom would say, “You never know when you are being blessed.” It took me a while to realize this is true. Sometimes missing one opportunity led me to a more exciting door opening in my life.
Celebrate your victories – large and small. When was the last time you celebrated a goal you accomplished? It does not have to be a pull-out the stops party. It can be treating yourself to your favorite ice cream treat. Give yourself a pat on the back - whether it is getting an “A” on a course that was extremely difficult, cleaning out a junk drawer, or receiving a compliment on a work project.
Sometimes, doing something for someone else can pull you out of a funk. When was the last time you did something for someone else? Again, it does not have to be a grand gesture. Sending a real thank you note (not an e-mail) to someone who has made a difference in your life is special (and a welcome change from the junk mail.)
Write down what you have learned from the experience. Given the chance, what you would have done differently (if anything)? As some of you know, I keep journals. Periodically, I read them and reflect on what I have learned from overcoming grueling times in my life. Journaling may help you.
Work on eliminating words such as “if only,” “next time,” “should have,” and “could have.” They have no place in your vocabulary or your life. We are all unique and extraordinary individuals. Remember, it is about learning and growing into the best you (not someone else’s concept of who you should be).
Remember moving forward after a challenging time is huge. Give yourself credit for being courageous.
I pray and use affirmations daily. These practices have sustained me through my darkest times. A prayer that I often use is by Joyce Meyer. It goes, “Lord, thank You that you have overcome the world. I will be confident through any trials that I might face because I follow You, walk in the victory You have already won, and know that You are on my side. Amen.” An affirmation that I use often is, “I am unstoppable force of nature.” If these speak to you, then use them. If not, find a prayer, a quote, and/or an affirmation that speaks to you when you need the encouragement to pick yourself up and move forward. Maneet Chauhan said it eloquently during an episode of Chopped – Desperately Seeking Sous Chef, when she said, “Instead of saying Can I? Change it to I can!”
